dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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