Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
