i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
