If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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