im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
