I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
