I think I died a long time ago.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to calm my uterus...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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