just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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