Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i think im in europe. pls send help
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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