Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
