stop calling my apartment porn island.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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