dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
