birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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