but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
