We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
