don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
