I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
