Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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