i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
