Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
