my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
