my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
