Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
