I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
