i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
