I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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