Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
