Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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