Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
