im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize