If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
third nipple confirmed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
