i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
