She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
