wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
