i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
