Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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