I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
