and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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