We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
