I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
