He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize