It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
