he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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