so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
