I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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