I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
