So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
