drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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