chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
