after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
