This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
