wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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