you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
