when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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