You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Mom said you looked used
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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