I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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