You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
