i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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