forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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