I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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