ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
