He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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