I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
