dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
